Divorce

This week I want to talk about something that either indirectly or directly affects almost every family nowadays: divorce. We learned in class this week that about twenty-four percent of people who marry will eventually divorce. Other research has found that marriages have about a fifty percent chance of lasting. While those odds don’t seem so good for marriage, I’m worried that these numbers are making divorce more socially acceptable despite the negative repercussions divorce brings to families. My professor shared with us a recent study about the aftermath of divorce. He said that researchers found that about seventy percent of people who divorced in the study said that two years after the divorce they claimed they could have and should have saved the marriage. What does this say about how people make the decision to divorce? I think it says that many people view divorce as a fix-all solution instead of a start-all problem. Now don’t get me wrong, divorce may be necessary for some couples, but when the most common reasons for divorce range from “irreconcilable differences” to “different priorities and interests” instead of “abuse” and “addiction”, you know that there is something wrong with the system.

It’s easier now to get divorced that it is to get out of a phone contract. Did you know that? When filing for a No-Fault divorce, states like Alaska and Colorado don’t have a separation or waiting period which makes it extremely convenient to get divorced on whim. No waiting period means a couple could be divorced within a couple of days without any real reason for divorce other than they don’t feel like being married anymore. Do you see how there is a real danger in this? It’s especially more dangerous when there are children involved.

One phrase my professor said quite a few times during class this week was, “you can get divorced, but you can’t get unmarried.” Divorce doesn’t erase the time and energy you gave to that marriage. You can’t take that back. Like I said before, divorce is not a fix-all solution.

I think the key to the whole divorce problem is in courtship and the way people date these days. Why do I think this? Because the way people acting while they’re dating is a very good predictor of how they will act in marriage. A good courtship is a very good predictor of a good marriage. The only obstacle to my solution is that no one courts each other anymore. The popular way of approaching marriage these days is to either rush into marriage, cohabit before marriage, or to just totally skip marriage altogether and cohabit.

Especially with the younger generations, those in their twenties and thirties, I’ve seen a breakdown of marriage. Marriage has become a lost institution. Many see this as a good thing because it will bring divorce rates crashing down. If there are no marriages, there can’t be any divorces, right? But the breakdown of marriage means a breakdown of society. The family is the fundamental unit of society after all. It should be our job to protect the family at all costs. Divorce doesn’t have to be such a big problem in the world. We should focus on strengthening marriage, not breaking them apart. If you have never seen a good marriage, it can be hard to create a good one. However, divorce is not inevitable for those who have never seen one. It will just take hard work. You don’t want to someday look back and regret getting a divorce like those in the study I mentioned before did. Enjoy the good times and endure the bad time but do it together as a couple. Read a self-help book to strengthen your marriage or go to marriage counseling, but don’t give up.