Crisis: Danger and Opportunity

So I have a confession to make: I’ve been binge-watching Netflix all week and I haven’t gotten much done other than my homework. I feel slightly useless, yet I also feel like I’m ready to solve crimes with all of the detectives in the show. Currently I’ve been watching a show called The Mysteries of Laura and it is pure genius. A mom who doubles as an amazing detective is very empowering. But as I’ve been watching this show, I’ve been paying particular attention to how the families of the murder victims react to their family crises (yes, school is ruining my ability to simply enjoy watching a show without applying what I learned in class, it sucks). Some go into shock, some deny their loved one has died, and others avoid the crisis altogether. But as I’ve learned in class this week, none of these are effective coping patterns. None of these are good coping patterns because they don’t yield long-term, constructive outcomes. How can you move on with your life when you won’t even acknowledge that there is a significant and permanent change in your family system? The families affected in this show need closure, but they also need to find effective coping strategies.

Death of a loved one is only one example of a crisis and it’s the most common in the show. But what is a crisis exactly, and what are some other examples? According to the ABCX family crisis model a crisis (X) is made up of three parts: the stressor or event and the hardship it produces (A), the management of the stress through coping resources (B), and the family’s definition of the event (C). Many people believe that the event is what causes the crisis, but that is not true. What may be a crisis for one family is not for another. That’s where resources and how the family defines the event comes into play. Take unemployment for example. If one family defines it as the end of the world while a different family defines unemployment as a minor setback the stress within the two families are extremely different. Or if one family has no extended family to lean on while one spouse looks for another job while the other family has extended family willing to support them, the implication for crisis is immensely different between the two families. Some other examples of crisis besides death and unemployment can include, divorce, financial problems, health decline, etc.

The interesting thing about crisis though is that it actually has two meanings. On one hand crisis takes on a negative meaning: Danger. Most people associate crisis with this meaning. But crisis also means opportunity. This is how we should view a crisis. We should ask ourselves, how can I grow from this challenge? In one the episodes of The Mysteries of Laura, a mother tragically loses her son. Laura, the main character, sympathizes with the mother and tries to ease her pain. The mother used to make dinners for her son every week as a way of taking care of him even though he was grown and living on his own. After Laura solved the case, the mother brought Laura dinner as a way of thanking Laura, but also as a way of looking on the bright side. She chose to see the opportunity within the crisis. I think the mother understood that it’s not the event that makes you miserable, it’s what you think about the event that creates the misery. What can you do to see the good within something that seems bad? How can you learn and grown from the experience?